i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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