Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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