Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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