I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
