Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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