Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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