people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
