apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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