I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
