Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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