One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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