i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
