Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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