I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
