Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
