whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
