I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
