does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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