it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
