I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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