i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
