he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
