hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
