Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
