Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
