I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
