I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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