he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
