what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
