I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
