Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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