This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
