do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
