hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
