She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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