i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
