The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
