I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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