my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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