i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
