So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The Olympian is in my bed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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