....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
