you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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