why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
