Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
