I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
