I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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