im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
