the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
