I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
