Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
