its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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