Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
